Touch their Hand Too

Touch their Hand Too

Another study involved librarians who, as they issued a book to a borrower, lightly brushed the hand of the person borrowing the book. Outside the library, the borrowers were surveyed and asked questions about their impressions of the service the

library offered. Those who had been touched responded more favourably to all questions asked and were more likely to recall the name of the librarian. Studies conducted in British super, markets where customers are lightly touched on the hand when they received their change show similar positive customer reactions. The same experiment has also been conducted in the USA with waitresses who derive much of their income from customer tips. The elbow-and-hand touching waitresses made 36% more tips from male diners than non-touching waitresses and male waiters increased their earnings by 22% regardless of which sex they touched. When you next meet someone new and you shake hands, extend your left arm, give a light touch on their elbow or hand as you shake, repeat their name to confirm you heard it correctly, and watch their reaction. Not only does it make that person feel important, it lets you remember their name through repetition. Elbow-and hand-touching — when done discreetly - grabs attention, reinforces a comment, underlines a concept, increases your influence over others, makes you more memorable and creates positive impressions on everyone.

Summary

It makes no difference how you look at it, any crossing of the arms in front of the body is seen as negative and the message is as much in the mind of the receiver as the sender. Even if you fold your arms because, for example, you have a backache, an observer will still unconsciously perceive you as closed to their ideas. Make a decision now to practise not crossing your arms and in the following chapters we will show you what to do to project a more positive, confident image.

The Power of Touch

The Power of Touch

Touching a person with your left hand while shaking hands with your right hand can create a powerful result. Researchers at the University of Minnesota conducted an experiment that became known as 'The Phone Booth Test'. They placed a coin on the ledge of a telephone booth then hid behind a tree and waited for an unsuspecting subject to walk in and find it. When this happened, one of the researchers would approach the subject and say, 'Did you happen to see my coin in that phone booth? I need it to make another call.' Only 23% of the subjects admitted they had found it and gave it back. In the second part of the study, the coin was again placed in the phone booth but when the researchers approached the people who took it, they touched them lightly on the elbow for not longer than three seconds and inquired about the coin. This time, 68% admitted to having the coin, looked embarrassed and said things like, 'I was looking around to try to see who owned it...'

Skilful elbow-touching can give you up to three times the chance of getting what you want

There are three reasons this technique works: first, the elbow is considered a public space and is far away from intimate parts of the body; second, touching a stranger is not considered acceptable in most countries so it creates an impression; and third, a light, three-second elbow touch creates a momen

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tary bond between two people. When we replicated this experiment for a television programme, we found the coin return rate varied from culture to culture depending on what the normal touch frequency was in a particular place. For example, with elbow touching, the coin was returned by 72% of Australians, 70% of English, 85% of Germans, 50% of French and 22% of Italians. This result shows how the elbow touch works better in places where frequent touching is not the cultural norm. We have recorded the touch frequencies between people in outdoor cafes in many of the countries we regularly visit and noted 220 touches an hour in Rome, 142 per hour in Paris, 25 touches an hour in Sydney, 4 per hour in New York and 0 per hour in London. This confirms that the more British or German your heritage, the less likely you are to touch others and, therefore, the more successful an elbow touch will be on you.

If you're of German or British origin, you're an easier touch than everyone else.

Overall, we found that women were four times more likely to touch another woman than was a man to touch another man. In many places, touching a stranger above or below the elbow did not produce the same positive results as with directly touching the elbow and often received negative reactions. Touching for more than three seconds also received a negative response, with the person suddenly looking down at your hand to see what you are doing.

How the Rich and Famous Reveal their Insecurity

How the Rich and Famous Reveal their Insecurity

People who are continually exposed to others, such as royalty, politicians, television personalities and movie stars, usually don't want their audiences to detect that they are nervous or unsure of themselves. They prefer to project a cool, calm, controlled attitude when on display, but their anxiety or apprehension leaks out in disguised forms of arm-crossing. As in all arm-cross gestures, one arm swings across in front of the body towards the other arm but instead of the arms crossing, one hand touches or holds on to a handbag, bracelet, watch,' shirt cuff or object on or near their other arm. Once again the barrier is formed and the secure feeling is achieved.

Famous people are just as nervous in public as the rest of us

Men wearing cufflinks are often seen adjusting them as they cross a room or dance floor where they are in full view of others. The Cuff-Link-Adjust is the trademark of Prince Charles, who uses it to give himself a feeling of security any time he walks across an open space in full view of everyone.

Prince Charles' Cuff-Link-Adjust revealing his insecurities

The Definitive Book of Body Language

You would think that after more than half a century of being scrutinised in public and being confronted by large crowds royals, such as Prince Charles, would be resistant to nervous feelings but his small arm-crossing behaviours reveal that he feels just as insecure as you or I would feel in the same circumstances. An anxious or self-conscious man will also be seen adjusting the band on his watch, checking the contents of his wallet clasping or rubbing his hands together, playing with a button on his cuff or using any gesture that lets his arms cross in front of his body. A favourite of insecure businessmen is walking into a business meeting holding a briefcase or folder in front of the body. To the trained observer, these gestures are a giveaway because they achieve no real purpose except as an attempt to disguise nervousness. A good place to observe these gestures is anywhere that people walk past a group of onlookers, such as a man who crosses the dance floor to ask a woman to dance or someone who crosses a stage to receive an award. Women's use of disguised arm barriers is less noticeable than men's because women can grasp onto things like handbags or purses if they become self-conscious or unsure of themselves. Royals like Princess Anne regularly clutch a bunch of flowers when walking in public and the Flowers/HandbagClutch is Queen Elizabeth's favourite. It's unlikely that she would be carrying lipstick, make-up, credit cards and theatre tickets in her handbag. Instead, she uses it as a type of security blanket when necessary and as a means of sending messages; royal watchers have recorded 12 signals she sends to her minders about when she wants to go, stop, leave or be rescued from someone who is boring her.

Handbag used to form a barrier

Arm Signals

Flower grasping shows self-consciousness

The Coffee Cup Barrier

Offering a refreshment during a negotiation is an excellent strategy for gauging how the other person is receiving your offer. Where a person places their cup immediately after they take a drink is a strong indicator of whether or not they are convinced or open to what you are saying. Someone who is reeling hesitant, unsure or negative about what they are hearing will place their cup to the opposite side of their body to form a single arm barrier. "When they are accepting of what they are hearing they place the cup to the side of their body showing an open or accepting attitude.

The arm barrier says 'no' She's now open to your ideas

One of the most common versions of creating a subtle barrier is to hold a glass or cup with two hands. You need only one hand to hold a glass but two hands allows the insecure person form an almost unnoticeable arm barrier. These types of gestures are used by almost everyone and few of us are aware that we're doing them

Hugging Yourself

Hugging Yourself

When we were children our parents or carers embraced or hugged us when we faced distressing or tense circumstances. As adults, we often attempt to recreate those same comforting feelings when we find ourselves in stressful situations. Rather than take a full arm-cross gesture, which can tell everyone we are fearful, women often substitute a subtler version - a PartialArm-Cross, where one arm swings across the body to hold or touch the other arm to form the barrier and it looks as if she is hugging herself. Partial arm barriers are often seen in meetings where a person may be a stranger to the group or is lacking in self-confidence. Any woman taking this position in a tense situation will usually claim she is just being 'comfortable'.

Holding herself like her mother held her when she was a child

Men use a partial arm barrier known as Holding-Hands-WithYourself : it's commonly used by men who stand in front of a

The Definitive Book of Body Language

crowd to receive an award or give a speech. Also known as the Broken Zipper Position it makes a man feel secure because he can protect his 'crown jewels' and can avoid the consequences of receiving a nasty frontal blow.

The Broken Zipper Position

It's the same position men take in a line at a soup kitchen or to receive social security benefits and reveals their dejected, vulnerable feelings. It recreates the feeling of having someone else hold your hand. Adolf Hitler used it regularly in public to mask the sexual inadequacy he felt because of having only one testicle. It's possible that evolution shortened men's arms to allow them to take this protective position because when our closest primate cousins, the chimpanzees, assume the same position their hands cross at their knees.

Humans make a point of hiding the areas they think are their weakest or most vulnerable Arm Signals

The Boss vs The Staff

The Boss vs The Staff

Status can influence arm-folding gestures. A superior type can make his superiority felt by not folding his arms, saying, in effect, 'I'm not afraid, so I'll keep my body open and vulnerable.' Let's say, for example, that at a company social function, the general manager is introduced to several new employees. playing greeted them with a Palm-Down handshake, he stands back from them - a yard away (1 metre) - with his hands by his side or behind his back in the Prince Philip Palm-in-Palm position (superiority), or with one or both hands in his pocket (non-involvement). He rarely folds his arms across his chest so as not to show the slightest hint of nervousness. Conversely, after shaking hands with the boss, the new employees may take full or partial arm-crossing positions because of their apprehension about being in the presence of the company's top person. Both the general manager and the new employees feel comfortable with their respective gesture clusters as each is signalling his status, relative to the other. But what happens when the general manager meets a young, upand-coming male who is also a superior type and who may even signal that he is as important as the general manager? The likely outcome is that, after the two give each other a dominant handshake, the younger executive may take an armfold gesture with both thumbs pointing upwards.

Thumbs-Up: defensive, but he still thinks he's pretty cool

 This gesture has the arms-crossed plus both thumbs up showing that he's feeling 'cool' and in control. As he talks, he gestures with his thumbs to emphasise points he is making, As we've already discussed, the thumbs-up gesture is a way of showing others we have a self-confident attitude and the folded arms still gives a feeling of protection. Someone who is feeling defensive but also submissive at the same time will sit in a symmetrical position, which means one side of their body is a perfect mirror of the other. They display tense muscle tone and look as if they expect to be attacked whereas a person who is feeling defensive and dominant will take an asymmetrical pose, that is, one side of the body doesn't mirror the other.

Getting theThumbs-Up

When you're presenting your case to someone and the Thumbs-Up-Arms-Crossed appears towards the end of your presentation and is clustered with other positive gestures, it signals you can move comfortably into asking the person for a commitment. On the other hand, if at the close of the presentation the other person takes the Fists-Clenched-ArmsCrossed position and has a poker face, you can be inviting trouble by attempting to get a 'yes'. It would be better to ask questions to try to uncover the person's objections. When someone says 'no' to a proposal, it can become difficult to change their mind without looking as if you're aggressive. The ability to read body language allows you to 'see' a negative decision before it is verbalised and gives you time to take an alternative course of action.

When you can see a 'no' before it's said, you can try a different approach.

Arm Signals

People carrying weapons or wearing armour seldom use armgestures because their weapon or armour provides sufficient body protection. Police officers who wear guns, for example, rarely cross their arms unless they are standing guard and they normally use the fist-clenched position to communicate clearly that nobody is permitted to pass where they are standing.

Arm-Gripping

Arm-Gripping

The Double-Arm-Grip is characterised by the person's hands tightly gripping their upper arms to reinforce themselves and avoid exposure of the front of the body. Sometimes the arms can be gripped so tight that the fingers and knuckles can turn white as blood circulation is cut off. It's a person's way of comforting himself with a form of self-hugging. Arm-gripping is commonly seen in doctors' and dentists' waiting rooms or with first-time air travellers who are waiting for lift-off. It shows a negative, restrained attitude.

The Double-Arm-Grip: feeling insecure and not buying what you're selling

In a courtroom, the claimant may be seen using a FistsClenched-Arm-Crossed pose while the defendant may have taken the Double-Arm-Grip position.

Reinforced Arm-Crossing

Reinforced Arm-Crossing

If a person has clenched fists as well as a full arm-cross, this cluster, called Fists-Clenched-Arm-Crossed, shows hostility as well as defensiveness. If it's combined with a tight-lipped smile or clenched teeth and red face, a verbal or even physical attack could happen. A conciliatory approach is needed to discover what is causing it if the reason is not already apparent. This person has an aggressive, attacking attitude.

Crossed-Arms-on-Chest

Crossed-Arms-on-Chest

Both arms are folded together across the chest as an attempt to put a barrier between the person and someone or something they don't like. There are many arm-folding positions and we'll discuss here the most common ones you're likely to see. Crossed-Arms-on-Chest is universal and is decoded with the same defensive or negative meaning almost everywhere. It is commonly seen among strangers in public meetings, in queues or cafeteria lines, elevators or anywhere that people feel uncertain or insecure.

Crossed-Arms-on-Chest: he's not coming out and you're not coming in

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We attended a meeting of our local council where a debate was held on the cutting down of trees by developers. The developers sat to one side of the room and their opponents, the 'greenies', sat on the other. About half those attending sat with their arms crossed at the opening of the meeting and this increased to 90% of the 'greenies' when the developers addressed the audience, and almost 100% of the developers did it when the 'greenies' spoke. This shows how most people will take an arms-folded position when they disagree with what they're hearing. Many speakers fail to communicate their message to their audience because they haven't seen the crossed-arms position of their listeners. Experienced speakers know that this gesture means a good 'ice breaker' is needed to move their audience into a more receptive position that will change their attitude from negative to positive. When you see someone take the arms-crossed position, it's reasonable to assume that you may have said something with which they disagree. It may be pointless continuing your line of argument even though the person could be verbally agreeing with you. The fact is that body language is more honest than words.

As long as someone holds an arms-folded position, a negative attitude will persist.

Your objective should be to try to work out why they crossed their arms and to try to move the person into a more receptive position. The attitude causes the gesture to occur and maintaining the gesture forces the attitude to remain.

Solution

A simple but effective way of breaking the arms-folded position is to give the listener something to hold or give them something to do. Giving them a pen, book, brochure, sample

Reinforced Arm-Crossing

If a person has clenched fists as well as a full arm-cross, this cluster, called Fists-Clenched-Arm-Crossed, shows hostility as well as defensiveness. If it's combined with a tight-lipped smile or clenched teeth and red face, a verbal or even physical attack could happen. A conciliatory approach is needed to discover what is causing it if the reason is not already apparent. This person has an aggressive, attacking attitude.

written test forces them to unfold their arms and lean forward. This moves them into a more open position and, therefore, a more open attitude. Asking someone to lean forward to look at a visual presentation can also be an effective means of opening the arms-folded position. You could also lean forward with your palms up and say, 'I can see you have a question...what would you like to know?' or, 'What's your opinion?' You then sit or lean back to indicate that it's their turn to speak. By using your palms you non-verbally tell them that you would like them to be open and honest because that's what you're being.

Arm Signals

Why am I holding all these pens, pencils and brochures?' asked the customer, who began to look like a decorated Xmas tree. I'll come to that later,' said the negotiator.

Salespeople and negotiators are often taught that it's usually safer not to proceed with the presentation of a product or idea until the prospect's reason for folding his arms is uncovered. More often than not, buyers have hidden objections that most salespeople never discover because they missed seeing the buyer's arms-folded cluster, signalling that he was feeling negative about something.

Gender Differences

Gender Differences

Men's arms rotate slightly inwards while women's arms rotate slightly outwards. These rotation differences have enabled men to aim and throw more accurately, while women's splayed elbows give them a wider, more stable position for carrying babies. One interesting difference is that women tend to keep their arms more open when they are around men they find attractive and are likely to fold their arms across their breasts around aggressive or unattractive men.

Arm Signals

Inward rotating arms allow men to throw accurately; women's outward rotating arms make for better carrying

Yes...But I'm Just 'Comfortable'

Yes...But I'm Just 'Comfortable'

Some people claim that they habitually cross their arms because it's comfortable. Any gesture will feel comfortable when you have the corresponding attitude; that is, if you have a negative, defensive or nervous attitude, folded arms will feel comfortable. If you're having fun with your friends, folded arms will feel wrong. Remember that with all body language, the meaning of the message is also in the receiver, as well as the sender. You may feel 'comfortable' with your arms crossed and your back and neck stiffened, but studies have shown that others' reactions to these gestures is negative. So the lesson here is clear - avoid crossing your arms under any circumstances unless your intention is to show others you don't agree or don't want to participate.

You may feel arm-crossing is simply comfortable but others will think you're not approachable.

Why Crossed Arms Can be Detrimental

Why Crossed Arms Can be Detrimental

Research conducted in the United States into the CrossedArms gesture has shown some worrying results. A group of volunteers was asked to attend a series of lectures and each student was instructed to keep his legs uncrossed, arms unfolded and to take a casual, relaxed sitting position. At the end of the lectures each student was tested on his retention and knowledge of the subject matter and his attitude towards the lecturer was recorded. A second group of volunteers was put through the same process, but these volunteers were instructed to keep their arms tightly folded across their chests throughout the lectures. The results showed that the group with the folded arms had learned and retained 38% less than the group who kept its arms unfolded. The second group also had a more critical opinion of the lectures and of the lecturer.

When you fold your arms your credibility dramatically reduces.

We conducted these same tests in 1989 with 1500 delegates during 6 different lectures and recorded almost identical results. These tests reveal that, when a listener folds his arms, not only does he have more negative thoughts about the speaker, but he's 9 I

The Definitive Book of Body Language

also paying less attention to what's being said. It's for this reason that training centres should have chairs with arms to allow the attendees to leave their arms uncrossed.

Arm Barrier Signals

Arm Barrier Signals

Hiding behind a barrier is a normal response we learn at an early age to protect ourselves. As children, we hid behind solid objects such as tables, chairs, furniture and mother's skirt whenever we found ourselves in a threatening situation. As we grew older, this hiding behaviour became more sophisticated and by the age of about six, when it was unacceptable behaviour to hide behind solid objects, we learned to fold our arms tightly across our chests whenever a threatening situation arose. During our teens, we learned to make the crossed-arms gesture less obvious by relaxing our arms a little and combining the gesture with crossed legs. As we grow older, the arm-crossing gesture can evolve to the point where we try to make it even less obvious to others. By

Arm Signals

folding one or both arms across the chest, a barrier is formed that is an unconscious attempt to block out what we perceive threat or undesirable circumstances. The arms fold neatly across the heart and lungs regions to protect these vital organs from being injured, so it's likely that arm-crossing is inborn. Monkeys and chimps also do it to protect themselves from a frontal attack. One thing's certain: when a person has a nervous, negative or defensive attitude, it's very likely he will fold his arms firmly on his chest, showing that he feels threatened.

Laughter In Love

Laughter In Love

Robert Provine found that in courtship, it's also women who do most of the laughing and smiling, not men. Laughing in these contexts is used as a way of determining how successfully a couple is likely to bond in a relationship. Simply put, the more he can make her laugh, the more attractive she will find him. This is because the ability to make others laugh is perceived as a dominant trait and women prefer dominant males, while males prefer subordinate females. Provine also round that a subordinate person will laugh to appease a superior person and the superior person will make subordinates laugh - but without laughing himself — as a way of maintaining his superiority.

 Studies show that women lough at men they're attracted to, and men are attracted to women who laugh at them.

This explains why having a sense of humour is near the top of women's priority list of what they look for in a man. When a woman says 'He's such a funny guy - we spent the whole night laughing together' she usually means that she spent the night laughing and he spent the night making her laugh.

From a man's perspective, saying that a woman has a good sense of humour doesn't mean she tells jokes; it means she laughs at his jokes.

On a deeper level, men seem to understand the attraction value of being humorous and spend much of their time with other men competing to tell the best joke to enhance their own status. Many men also become annoyed when one man dominates the joke-telling, especially when women are present and are also laughing. Men are likely to think the joke-teller is not only a jerk but he isn't particularly funny either, come to think of it - despite the fact he has all the women in fits of laughter. The point for men to understand is that humorous men look more attractive to most women. Fortunately, you can learn to be humorous.

How a woman sees a man: the picture on the left is how a woman perceives the man who doesn't make her

laugh. The right hand picture is how she sees him when he does make her laugh

  

The Magic of Smiles and Laughter

Summary

When you smile att another person they will almost always return the smile, which causes positive feelings in both you and them, because of cause and effect. Studies prove that most encounters will run more smoothly, last longer, have more positive outcomes and dramatically improve relationships when you make a point of regularly smiling and laughing to the point where it becomes a habit. Evidence shows conclusively that smiles and laughter build the immune system, defend the body against illness and disease, medicate the body, sell ideas, teach better, attract more friends and extend life. Humour heals.

Why We Laugh and Talk, But Chimps Don't

Why We Laugh and Talk, But Chimps Don't

Robert Provine, professor of psychology at the University of Maryland, Baltimore, found that human laughter is different from that of our primate cousins. Chimpanzee laughter sounds like panting, with only one sound made per outward or inward breath. It's this one-to-one ratio between breath cycle and vocalisation that makes it impossible for most primates to speak. When humans began walking upright, it freed the upper body from weight-bearing functions and allowed better breath control. As a result, humans can chop an exhalation and modulate it to produce language and laughter. Chimps can have linguistic concepts, but they can't physically make the sounds of language. Because we walk upright, humans have a huge range of freedom in the sounds we make, including speech and laughter.

How Humour Heals

How Humour Heals

Laughter stimulates the body's natural painkillers and 'feel good' enhancers, known as endorphins, helping relieve stress and heal the body. When Norman Cousins was diagnosed with the debilitating illness ankylospondylitis, the doctors told him they could no longer help him and that he would live in excruciating pain before he died. Cousins checked into a hotel room and hired every funny movie he could find: the Marx Brothers, Airplane and The Three Stooges, etc. He watched and rewatched them over and over, laughing as hard and loud as he could. After six months of this self-inflicted laughter therapy, the doctors were amazed to find that his illness had been cometely cured - the disease was gone! This amazing outcome led to the publishing of Cousins' book, Anatomy of an Illness, and the start of massive research into the function of endorphins. Endorphins are chemicals released from the brain when you laugh. They have a similar chemical composition to morphine and heroin and have a tranquillising effect on the body,

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while building the immune system. This explains why happy people rarely get sick and miserable but complaining people often seem to be ill.

Laughing Till You Cry

Laughing Till You Cry

Laughter and crying are closely linked from a psychological and physiological standpoint. Think of the last time someone told you a joke that made you buckle up with laughter and you could hardly control yourself. How did you feel afterwards? You felt a tingling sensation all over, right? Your brain released endorphins into your system that gave you what was once described as a 'natural high' and is the same experience that drug addicts get when they take dope. People who have trouble with laughing at the tough things in life often turn to drugs and alcohol to achieve the same feeling that endorphininduced laughter produces. Alcohol loosens inhibitions and lets people laugh more, which releases endorphins. This is why most well-adjusted people laugh more when they drink alcohol, while unhappy people become even more despondent or even violent.

People drink alcohol and take drugs to try to feel how happy people feel normally.

Paul Ekman found that one of the reasons we are attracted to smiling and laughing faces is because they can actually affect our autonomic nervous system. We smile when we see a smiling face and this releases endorphins into our system. If you are surrounded by miserable, unhappy people you are also likely to mirror their expressions and become morose or depressed.

The Magic of Smiles and Laughter

Working in an unhappy environment is detrimental to your health.

How Jokes Work

How Jokes Work

The basis of most jokes is that, at the punch line, something disastrous or painful happens to someone. In effect, the unexpected ending 'frightens' our brain, and we laugh with sounds similar to a chimp warning others of imminent danger. Even though we consciously know that the joke is not a real event, our laugh releases endorphins for self-anaesthesis as if the joke was a real event. If it was a real event, we may go into crying mode and the body would also release its endorphins. Crying is often an extension of a laughing bout and is why, in a serious emotional crisis, such as hearing about a death, a person who cannot mentally accept the death may begin laughing. When the reality hits, the laughter turns to crying.

The origin of human laughter is as a primate warning signal

The Laughter Room

The Laughter Room

the 1980s, several American hospitals introduced the concept of the 'Laughter Room'. Based on Norman Cousins'

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experiences and other laughter research by Dr Patch Adams, they allocated a room and filled it with joke books, comedy films and humorous tapes, and had regular visits from cornedians and clowns. Patients were then exposed to 30- to 60-minute sessions each day. The result was impressive - a dramatic improvement in patient health and shorter average hospitalisation time per patient. The Laughter Rooms also showed a decrease in the number of painkillers required by those in pain and patients became easier to deal with. So you could say that the medical profession now take their laughter seriously.

He who laughs, lasts.

Smiles and Laughter Are a Way of Bonding

Smiles and Laughter Are a Way of Bonding

Robert Provine found that laughing was more than 30 times as likely to occur in participants in a social situation than in a solitary setting. Laughter, he found, has less to do with jokes and funny stories and more to do with building relationships. He found that only 15% of our laughter has to do with jokes. In Provine's studies, participants were more likely to speak to themselves when alone than they were to laugh. Participants were videotaped watching a humorous video clip in three different situations: alone, with a same-sex stranger and with a same-sex friend.

Only 15% of our laughter has to do with jokes. Laughter has more to do with bonding.

Even though no differences existed between how funny the participants felt the video clip was, those who watched the amusing video clips alone laughed significantly less than did those who watched the video clip with another person present, whether it was a friend or a stranger. The frequency and time spent laugh

Humour Sells

Karen Machleit, professor of marketing at the University of Cincinnati's College of Business Administration, found that adding humour to advertisements increases sales. She found that humour makes it more likely that consumers will accept an advertiser's claims and increases source credibility, so that a funny ad with a famous person becomes even more readily accepted.

The Permanent Down-Mouth

The opposite to pulling up the corners of the mouth to show happiness is pulling both corners downward to show the Down-Mouth expression. This is done by the person who feels unhappy, despondent, depressed, angry or tense. Unfortunately, if a person holds these negative emotions throughout their lifetime, the corners of the mouth will set into a permanent down position. In later life, this can give a person an appearance similar to a bulldog. Studies show that we stand further away from people who have this expression, give them less eye contact and avoid them when they are walking towards us. If you disover that the Down-Mouth has crept into your repertoire, practise smiling regularly, which will not only help you avoid looking like an angry canine in later life, but will make you feel more positive. It will also help you avoid frightening little children and being thought of as a grumpy old cow.

The Magic of Smiles and Laughter

ing were significantly greater in both situations involving other person than when the participant was alone. Laughter occurred much more frequently during social interaction. These suits demonstrate that the more social a situation is, the more often people will laugh and the longer each laugh will last.

The Definitive Book of Body Language

The Down-Mouth expression can become a permanent facial feature. Our intuition tells us to stay away from those with a Down-Mouth expression.

Smiling Advice For Women

Research by Marvin Hecht and Marianne La France from Boston University has revealed how subordinate people smile more in the presence of dominant and superior people, in both friendly and unfriendly situations, whereas superior people will smile only around subordinate people in friendly situations. This research shows that women smile far more than men in both social and business situations, which can make a woman appear to be subordinate or weak in an encounter with unsmiling men. Some people claim that women's extra smiling is the result of women historically being placed by men into subordinate roles, but other aresearch shows that by the age of eight weeks, baby girls smile far more than baby boys, so it's probably inborn as opposed to learned. The likely explanation is that smiling fits neatly into women's evolutionary role as pacifiers and nurturers. It doesn't mean a woman can't be as authoritative as a man; but the extra smiling can make her look less authoritative.

The Magic of Smiles and Laughter

Women's extra smiling is probably hardwired into the brain.

Social psychologist Dr Nancy Henley, at UCLA, described a woman's smile as 'her badge of appeasement' and it is often used to placate a more powerful male. Her research showed that, in social encounters, women smile 87% of the time versus 67% for men and that women are 26% more likely to return smiles from the opposite sex. An experiment using 15 photographs of women showing happy, sad and neutral faces were rated for attractiveness by 257 respondents. The women with the sad expressions were considered the least attractive. Pictures of unsmiling women were decoded as a sign of unhappiness while pictures of unsmiling men were seen as a sign of dominance. The lessons here are for women to smile less when dealing with dominant men in business or to mirror the amount of smiling that men do. And if men want to be more persuasive with women, they need to smile more in all contexts.

Five Common Types of Smiles

Five Common Types of Smiles

What follows is a summary and an analysis of the common types of smiles that you're likely to see every day:

1.The Tight-Lipped Smile The lips are stretched tight across the face to form a straight line and the teeth are concealed. It sends the message that the smiler has a secret or a withheld opinion or attitude that they will not be sharing with you. It's a favourite of women who don't want to reveal that they don't like someone and is usually clearly read by other women as a rejection signal. Most men are oblivious to it.

The Tight-Lipped Smile shows she has a secret and won't be sharing it with you

for example, one woman might say of another woman, 'She's a very capable woman who knows what she wants', followed by a tight-lipped smile, rather than saying what she was really

The Definitive Book of Body Language

thinking: 'I think she's an aggressive, pushy bitch!' The TightLipped Smile is also seen in magazine pictures of successful businessmen who are communicating 'I've got the secrets of success and you've got to try and guess what they are.' In these interviews, the men have a tendency to talk about principles of success but rarely do they reveal the exact details of how they succeeded. Conversely, Richard Branson is always seen sporting a wide toothy smile and is happy to explain the exact details of his success because he knows that most people won't do it anyway.

Tony and Cherie Blair were 'tight lipped' about Cherie's last pregnancy

2.The Twisted Smile This smile shows opposite emotions on each side of the face. In picture A below, the right brain raises the left side eyebrow, the left zygomatic muscles and left cheek to produce one type of smile on the left side of the face while the left brain pulls the same muscles downwards on the right side to produce an angry frown. When you place a mirror down the middle of illustration A, at an angle of 90 degrees to reflect each side of the face, you produce two completely different faces with opposite emotions. Mirroring the right side of the face reveals picture B, which has a cheesy grin, while mirroring the left side (picture C) reveals an angry frown.

The Magic of Smiles and Laughter

The Twisted Smile is peculiar to the Western world and can only be done deliberately which means it can send only one message - sarcasm.

3. The Drop-Jaw Smile This is a practised smile where the lower jaw is simply dropped down to give the impression that the person is laughing or playful. This is a favourite of people such as The Joker in Batman, Bill Clinton and Hugh Grant, all of whom use it to engender happy reactions in their audiences or to win more votes.

Drop-Jaw smile with an attempt to fake smiling eyes

A B C

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A Drop-Jaw smile where only the jaw is lowered to feign enjoyment

4. Sideways-Looking-Up Smile With the head turned down and away while looking up with a Tight-Lipped Smile, the smiler looks juvenile, playful and secretive. This coy smile has been shown to be men's favourite everywhere, because when a woman does it, it engenders parental male feelings, making men want to protect and care for females. This is one of the smiles Princess Diana used to captivate the hearts of people everywhere.

Diana's Sideways-Looking-Up smile had a powerful effect on both men and women

The Magic of Smiles and Laughter

This smile made men want to protect her, and made women want to be like her. Not surprisingly, this smile is a regular in men's courtship repertoire for attracting men as it's read by as seductive and is a powerful 'come-on' signal. This is the same smile now used by Prince William, which not only has the effect of winning people's affection, it also reminds them of Diana.

5.The George W Bush Grin President George W Bush always has a permanent smirk on his face. Ray Birdwhistell found that smiling among middle-class people is most common in Atlanta, Louisville, Memphis, Nashville and most of Texas. Bush is a Texan and they smile more than most other Americans. As a result, in Texas, an unsmiling individual might be asked if he was 'angry about something', while in New York, the smiler might be asked, 'What's so funny?' President Jimmy Carter was also a Southerner who smiled all the time. This worried the Northerners who feared that he knew something they didn't.

Smile constantly. Everyone will wonder what you've been up to.

Why You Should Take Laughter Seriously

Why You Should Take Laughter Seriously

Research shows that people who laugh or smile, even when t

don't feel especially happy, make part of the 'happy zone' in the brain's left hemisphere surge with electrical activity. In one of his numerous studies on laughter, Richard Davidson, professor of psychology and psychiatry at the University of Wisconsin in Madison, hooked subjects up to EEG (electroencephalograph) machines, which measure brain wave activity, and showed them funny movies. Smiling made their happy zones click wildly. He proved that intentionally producing smiles and laughter moves brain activity towards spontaneous happiness. Arnie Cann, professor of psychology at the University of North Carolina, discovered that humour has a positive impact in counteracting stress. Cann led an experiment with people who were showing early signs of depression. Two groups watched videos over a three-week period. The group that watched comedy videos showed more improvement in their symptoms than did a control group that watched non-humorous videos. He also found that people with ulcers frown more than people without ulcers. If you catch yourself frowning' practise putting your hand on your forehead when you talk, to train yourself out of it.

Why Laughter Is the Best Medicine

Why Laughter Is the Best Medicine

As with smiling, when laughter is incorporated as a permanent part of who you are, it attracts friends, improves health and extends life. When we laugh, every organ in the body is affected a positive way. Our breathing quickens, which exercises the diaphragm, neck, stomach, face and shoulders. Laughter creases the amount of oxygen in the blood, which not only helps healing and improves circulation, it also expands the blood vessels close to the skin's surface. This is why people go in the face when they laugh. It can also lower the heart rate, dilate the arteries, stimulate the appetite and burn up calories.

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Neurologist Henri Rubenstein found that one minute of solid laughter provides up to 45 minutes of subsequent relaxation. Professor William Fry at Stanford University reported that 100 laughs will give your body an aerobic workout equal to that of a ten-minute session on a rowing machine. Medically speaking, this is why a damn good laugh is damn good for you.

The older we become, the more serious we become about life. An adult laughs an average of 15 times a day; a preschooler laughs an average of 400 times.

Smugglers Smile Less

Smugglers Smile Less

We were commissioned by Australian Customs, in 1986, to help create a programme to increase the number of seizures of illegal contraband and drugs being smuggled into AustraliaUntil that time, it had been assumed by law enforcement officers that liars increased their frequency of smiling when they were lying or under pressure. Our analysis of film of people who were intentionally told to lie showed the opposite - when the liars lied, they smiled less or not at all, regardless of culture. People who were innocent and telling the truth increased their smiling frequency when being honest. Because smiling is rooted in submission, the innocent people were attempting to appease their accusers while the professional liars were reducing their smiles and other body signals. It's the

The Magic of Smiles and Laughter

same as when a police car pulls up next to you at traffic lights -even though you haven't broken the law, the presence of the police is enough to make you feel guilty and start smiling. This highlights how fake smiling is controlled and should always be considered in the context of where it occurs.

Practising the Fake Smile

Practising the Fake Smile

As we've said, most people can't consciously differentiate between a fake smile and a real one, and most of us are content if someone is simply smiling at us — regardless of whether it's real or false. Because smiling is such a disarming gesture, most people wrongly assume that it's a favourite of liars. Research by Paul Ekman showed that when people deliberately lie, most, especially men, smile less than they usually do. Ekman believes this is because liars realise that most people associate smiling with lying so they intentionally decrease their smiles. A liar's smile comes more quickly than a genuine smile and is held much longer, almost as if the liar is wearing a mask. A false smile often appears stronger on one side of the face

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than the other, as both sides of the brain attempt to make it appear genuine. The half of the brain's cortex that specialises in facial expressions is in the right hemisphere and sends signals mainly to the left side of the body. As a result, false facial emotions are more pronounced on the left side of the face than the right. In a real smile, both brain hemispheres instruct each side of the face to act with symmetry.

When liars lie, the left side of the smile is usually more pronounced than the right

How a Smile Tricks the Brain

How a Smile Tricks the Brain

The ability to decode smiles appears to be hardwired into the brain as an aid to survival. Because smiling is essentially a submission signal, ancestral men and women needed to be able to recognise whether an approaching stranger was friendly or aggressive, and those who failed to do this perished.

The Definitive Book of Body Language

In over 30 years of studying the sales and negotiating process we have found that smiling at the appropriate time, such as during the opening stages of a negotiating situation where people are sizing each other up, produces a positive response on both sides of the table that gives more successful outcomes and higher sales ratios.

Do you recognise this actor?

When you look at the above photograph you'll probably identify actor Hugh Grant. When asked to describe his emotions in this shot, most people describe him as relaxed and happy because of his apparent smiling face. When the shot is turned the right way up, you get a completely different view of the emotional attitude conveyed.

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We cut and pasted Grant's eyes and smile to produce a horrific-looking face but, as you can see, your brain can even identify a smile when a face is upside down. Not only can it do that, but the brain can separate the smile from every other part of the face. This illustrates the powerful effect a smile has on

us.

Why Smiling Is Contagious

Why Smiling Is Contagious

The remarkable thing about a smile is that when you give it to someone, it causes them to reciprocate by returning the smile, even when you are both using fake smiles. Professor Ulf Dimberg at Uppsala University, Sweden, conducted an experiment that revealed how your unconscious mind exerts direct control of your facial muscles. Using equipment that picks up electrical signals from muscle fibres, he measured the facial muscle activity on 120 volunteers while they were exposed to pictures of both happy and angry faces. They were told to make frowning, smiling or expressionless faces in response to what they saw. Sometimes the face they were told to attempt was the opposite of what they saw meeting a smile with a frown, or a frown with a smile. The results showed that the volunteers did not have total control over their facial muscles. While it was easy to frown back at a picture of an angry man, it was much more difficult to pull a smile. Even though volunteers were trying consciously to control their natural reactions, the twitching in their facial muscles told a different story - they were mirroring the expressions they were seeing, even when they were trying not to. Professor Ruth Campbell, from University College London, believes there is a 'mirror neuron' in the brain that triggers the part responsible for the recognition of faces and expressions and causes an instant mirroring reaction. In other words, whether we realise it or not, we automatically copy the facial expressions we see. This is why regular smiling is important to have as a part of your body language repertoire, even when you don't feel like it, because smiling directly influences other people's attitudes and how they respond to you.

Science has proved that the more you smile, the more positive reactions others will give you.

In over 30 years of studying the sales and negotiating process we have found that smiling at the appropriate time, such as during the opening stages of a negotiating situation where people are sizing each other up, produces a positive response on both sides of the table that gives more successful outcomes and higher sales ratios.

Smiling Is a Submission Signal

Smiling Is a Submission Signal

Smiling and laughing are universally considered to be signals that show a person is happy. We cry at birth, begin smiling at five weeks and laughing starts between the fourth and fifth months. Babies quickly learn that crying gets our attention and that smiling keeps us there. Recent research with our closest primate cousins, the chimpanzees, has shown that smiling serves an even deeper, more primitive purpose. To show they're aggressive, apes bare their lower fangs, warning that they can bite. Humans do exactly the same thing when they become aggressive by dropping or thrusting forward the lower lip because its main function is as a sheath to conceal the lower teeth. Chimpanzees have two types of smiles: one is an appeasement face, where one chimp shows submission to a dominant other. In this chimp smile - known as a 'fear face' - the lower jaw opens to expose the teeth and the corners of the mouth are pulled back and down, and this resembles the human smile.

A primate 'fear face' (left) and a primate 'play face'

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The other is a 'play face' where the teeth are exposed, the corners of the mouth and the eyes are drawn upwards and vocal sounds are made, similar to that of human laughing. In both cases, these smiles are used as submission gestures. The first communicates 'I am not a threat because, as you can see, I'm fearful of you' and the other says 'I am not a threat because, as you can see, I'm just like a playful child'. This is the same face pulled by a chimpanzee that is anxious or fearful that it may be attacked or injured by others. The zygomatics pull the corners of the mouth back horizontally or downwards and the orbicularis eye muscles don't move. And it's the same nervous smile used by a person who steps onto a busy road and almost gets killed by a bus. Because it's a fear reaction, they smile and say, 'Gee...I almost got killed!' In humans, smiling serves much the same purpose as with other primates. It tells another person you are non-threatening and asks them to accept you on a personal level. Lack of smiling explains why many dominant individuals, such as Vladimir Putin, James Cagney, Clint Eastwood, Margaret Thatcher and Charles Bronson, always seem to look grumpy or aggressive and are rarely seen smiling - they simply don't want to appear in any way submissive. And research in courtrooms shows that an apology offered with a smile incurs a lesser penalty than an apology without one. So Grandma was right.

Happy, submissive or about to tear you limb from limb?

The Arafat-Rabin Handshake

The Arafat-Rabin Handshake

The photograph below shows the late Israeli Prime Minister, Yitzhak Rabin and Palestinian Chairman Yassar Arafat shaking hands at the White House in 1993 and it reveals several interesting attitudes. President Clinton is, in fact, the key figure in the shot because of his unobstructed centre position, extra height and Arms-Spread-Open-Palms gesture, reminiscent of a god presiding over his people. Clinton's HalfMoon, Lips-Sucking smile shows the emotional restraint he either felt or faked.

Yitzhak Rabin (left) holds his ground using a Stiff-Arm Thrust to resist being pulled forward as Yassar Arafat attempts a Bent-Arm-Pull-In

In this famous shot, both men keep their feet firmly planted on the ground and attempt to force the other out of his territoryYitzhak Rabin assumed the power position on the left side of the picture and used a Stiff-Arm Thrust and leaned forward to keep Arafat out of his personal space while Yassar Arafat stood absolutely erect and attempted to counter with a BentArm-Pull-in.

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Which smile is fake? False smiles pull back only the mouth, real smiles pull back both the mouth and eyes

Scientists can distinguish between genuine and fake smiles by using a coding system called the Facial Action Coding System (FACS), which was devised by Professor Paul Ekman of the University of California and Dr Wallace V Friesen of the University of Kentucky. Genuine smiles are generated by the unconscious brain, which means they are automatic. When you feel pleasure, signals pass through the part of your brain that processes emotion, making your mouth muscles move, your cheeks raise, your eyes crease up and your eyebrows dip slightly.

Photographers ask you to say 'Cheese' because this word putts back the zygomatic major muscles. But the result is a false smile and an insincere looking photograph.

Lines around the eyes can also appear in intense fake smiles and the cheeks may bunch up, making it look as if the eyes are contracting and that the smile is genuine. But there are signs

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that distinguish these smiles from genuine ones. When a smile is genuine, the fleshy part of the eye between the eyebrow and the eyelid - the eye cover fold - moves downwards and the end of the eyebrows dip slightly.

What makes this one of the world's most irresistible icon ?

THE MAGIC OF SMILES AND LAUGHTER

 ? What makes this one of the world's most irresistible icon

Bob gazed across the room and locked eyes with an attractive brunette. She seemed to smile at him and, not being slow on the uptake, he swiftly crossed the room and began a conversation with her. She didn't seem to talk much but she was still smiling at him so he persisted. One of his female friends sauntered past and whispered, 'Forget it Bob...she thinks you're a jerk.' He was stunned. But she was still smiling at him! As with most men, Bob didn't understand the negative significance of the tight-lipped, no-teeth-visible female smile.

Children were often told by their grandmothers to 'put on a happy face', 'wear a big smile' and 'show your pearly 'whites' when meeting someone new because Grandma knew, on an intuitive level, it would produce a positive reaction in others. The first recorded scientific studies into smiling were in the

The Magic of Smiles and Laughter

early part of the nineteenth century when French scientist Guillaume Duchenne de Boulogne used electrodiagnostics and electrical stimulation to distinguish between the smile of real enjoyrnent and other kinds of smiling. He analysed the heads of people executed by guillotine to study how the face muscles worked. He pulled face muscles from many different angles to catalogue and record which muscles caused which smiles. He discovered that smiles are controlled by two sets of muscles: the zygomatic major muscles, which run down the side of the face and connect to the corners of the mouth and the orbicularis oculi, which pull the eyes back. The zygomatic majors pull the mouth back to expose the teeth and enlarge the cheeks, while the orbicularis oculi make the eyes narrow and cause 'crow's feet'. These muscles are important to understand because the zygomatic majors are consciously controlled - in other words, they are used to produce false smiles of fake enjoyment to try to appear friendly or subordinate. The orbicularis oculi at the eyes act independently and reveal the true feelings of a genuine smile. So the first place to check the sincerity of a smile is to look for wrinkle lines beside the eyes.

A natural smile produces characteristic wrinkles around the eyes - insincere people smile only with their mouth.

In the enjoyment smile, not only are the lip corners pulled up, but the muscles around the eyes are contracted, while nonenjoyment smiles involve just the smiling lips.

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It has been superseded in younger generations by De Slappe Vaatdoek, or Sloppy Dishcloth. This needs no further explanation

The World's Eight Worst Handshakes

The World's Eight Worst Handshakes

Here are eight of the world's most annoying and disliked handshakes and their variations. Avoid them at all times:

1.The Wet Fish Credibility Rating: 1/10. Few greetings are as uninviting as the Wet Fish, particularly when the hand is cold or clammy. The soft, placid feel of the Wet Fish makes it universally unpopular and most people associate it with weak character, mainly because of the ease with which the palm can be turned over. It is read by the receiver as a lack of commitment to the encounter, but there may be cultural or other implications - in some Asian and African cultures a limp handshake is the norm and a firm handshake can be seen as offensive. Also, one in twenty people

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suffer from a condition called hyperhydrosis, which is a genetic condition that causes chronic sweating. It's wise to carry tissues or a handkerchief for mop-up strategies before any bout of handshaking.

The Wet Fish

The palms have more sweat glands than any other part of the body, which is why sweaty palms become so obvious. Surprisingly, many people who use the Wet Fish are unaware they do it so it's wise to ask your friends to comment on your handshake style before deciding what you'll use in future meetings.

2.The Vice Credibility Rating: 4/10. This quietly persuasive style is a favourite of men in business and reveals a desire to dominate and assume early control of the relationship or put people in their place. The palm is presented in the down position with one sharp downward pump followed by two or three vigorous return strokes and a grip that can even stop blood flow to the hand. Sometimes it will be used by a person who feels weak and fears they will be dominated by others.

The Vice

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3. The Bone-Crusher Credibility Rating: 0/10. A second cousin to the Vice, the Bone-Crusher is the most feared of all handshakes as it leaves an indelible memory on the recipient's mind and fingers and impresses no one other than the initiator. The Bone-Crusher is the trademark of the overly aggressive personality who, without warning, seizes the early advantage and attempts to demoralise his opponent by grinding his knuckles to a smooth paste. If you are female, avoid wearing rings on your right hand in business encounters as the Bone-Crusher can draw blood and leave you to open your business dealings in a state of shock.

The Bone-Crusher

Unfortunately, there are no effective ways to counter it. If you believe someone has done it on purpose, you could bring it to everyone's attention by saying, 'Ouch! That really hurt my hand. Your grip is too strong.' This puts the advocate of the Bone-Crusher on notice not to repeat the behaviour.

4. The Finger-Tip Grab Credibility Rating: 2/10. A common occurrence in male—female greetings, the FingerTip Grab is a handshake that missed the mark and the user mistakenly grabs the other person's fingers. Even though the initiator may seem to have an enthusiastic attitude towards the receiver, he in fact lacks confidence in himself. In these circumstances, the main aim of the Finger-Tip Grab is to keep

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the receiver at a comfortable distance. The Finger-Tip Grab can also result from personal space differences between the people in the handshake. This could happen if one person's intimate space was two feet (60cm) and the other's was three feet (90cm), the latter stands further back during greeting so the hands don't connect properly.

The Stiff-Arm Thrust

If this happens to you, take the other person's right hand with your left and place it correctly in your right hand and say, with a smile 'Let's try that again!' and shake hands equally. This builds your credibility because you are telling the other person that you think they are important enough for you to get it right.

5.The Stiff-Arm Thrust Credibility Rating: 3/10. Like the Palm-Down Thrust, the Stiff-Arm Thrust tends to be used by aggressive types and its main purpose is to keep you at a distance and away from their personal space. It's also used by people raised in rural areas, who have larger personal space needs and want to protect their territory.

The Definitive Book of Body Language

These people will even lean forward or balance on one foot to keep their distance when delivering a Stiff-Arm Thrust.

6. The Socket-Wrencher Credibility Rating: 3/10. A popular choice of power players and common cause of watering eyes and, in extreme cases, torn ligaments. This is the father of the Bent-Arm-Pull-In, and involves forcefully gripping the receiver's outstretched palm, then simultaneously applying a sharp reverse thrust, attempting to drag the receiver into the initiator's territory. This results in loss of balance and gets the relationship off on the wrong foot.

The Socket-Wrencher

Pulling the receiver into the initiator's territory can mean one of three things: first, the initiator is an insecure type who feels safe only within his own personal space; second, the initiator is from a culture that has smaller space needs; or third, he wants to control you by pulling you off balance. Either way, he wants the encounter to be on his terms.

7.The Pump Handle Credibility Rating: 4/10. With strong rural overtones, the pumper grabs the hand of the pumpee and commences an energetic and rhythmic series of rapid vertical strokes. While up to seven pumps is acceptable, some pumpers continue to pump uncontrollably as if they are trying to draw water from the pumpee.

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The Pump Handle

Occasionally, the pumper will cease pumping but continue to hold the receiver's hand to prevent their escape and, interestingly, few people try to pull their hand away. The act of being physically connected seems to weaken our resolve to retreat.

8.The Dutch Treat Credibility Rating: 2/10. Being somewhat vegetarian in approach, this handshake has its origins in the Netherlands, where a person can be accused of 'Geeft 'n hand als bosje worteljes' meaning 'Giving a handshake like a bunch of carrots'. It's a distant relative of the Wet Fish but stiffer and less clammy to the touch.

The Dutch Treat

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Summary

Few people have any idea how they come across to others in initial meetings, despite the fact that most of us are aware that the first few minutes of that meeting can make or break a relationship. Take the time to practise handshake styles with your friends and colleagues and you can quickly learn how to deliver a positive handshake every time. Keeping the palms held vertical and matching the other person's grip is usually perceived as a 10/10 handshake.