Touch their Hand Too

Touch their Hand Too

Another study involved librarians who, as they issued a book to a borrower, lightly brushed the hand of the person borrowing the book. Outside the library, the borrowers were surveyed and asked questions about their impressions of the service the

library offered. Those who had been touched responded more favourably to all questions asked and were more likely to recall the name of the librarian. Studies conducted in British super, markets where customers are lightly touched on the hand when they received their change show similar positive customer reactions. The same experiment has also been conducted in the USA with waitresses who derive much of their income from customer tips. The elbow-and-hand touching waitresses made 36% more tips from male diners than non-touching waitresses and male waiters increased their earnings by 22% regardless of which sex they touched. When you next meet someone new and you shake hands, extend your left arm, give a light touch on their elbow or hand as you shake, repeat their name to confirm you heard it correctly, and watch their reaction. Not only does it make that person feel important, it lets you remember their name through repetition. Elbow-and hand-touching — when done discreetly - grabs attention, reinforces a comment, underlines a concept, increases your influence over others, makes you more memorable and creates positive impressions on everyone.

Summary

It makes no difference how you look at it, any crossing of the arms in front of the body is seen as negative and the message is as much in the mind of the receiver as the sender. Even if you fold your arms because, for example, you have a backache, an observer will still unconsciously perceive you as closed to their ideas. Make a decision now to practise not crossing your arms and in the following chapters we will show you what to do to project a more positive, confident image.

The Power of Touch

The Power of Touch

Touching a person with your left hand while shaking hands with your right hand can create a powerful result. Researchers at the University of Minnesota conducted an experiment that became known as 'The Phone Booth Test'. They placed a coin on the ledge of a telephone booth then hid behind a tree and waited for an unsuspecting subject to walk in and find it. When this happened, one of the researchers would approach the subject and say, 'Did you happen to see my coin in that phone booth? I need it to make another call.' Only 23% of the subjects admitted they had found it and gave it back. In the second part of the study, the coin was again placed in the phone booth but when the researchers approached the people who took it, they touched them lightly on the elbow for not longer than three seconds and inquired about the coin. This time, 68% admitted to having the coin, looked embarrassed and said things like, 'I was looking around to try to see who owned it...'

Skilful elbow-touching can give you up to three times the chance of getting what you want

There are three reasons this technique works: first, the elbow is considered a public space and is far away from intimate parts of the body; second, touching a stranger is not considered acceptable in most countries so it creates an impression; and third, a light, three-second elbow touch creates a momen

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Arm Signals

tary bond between two people. When we replicated this experiment for a television programme, we found the coin return rate varied from culture to culture depending on what the normal touch frequency was in a particular place. For example, with elbow touching, the coin was returned by 72% of Australians, 70% of English, 85% of Germans, 50% of French and 22% of Italians. This result shows how the elbow touch works better in places where frequent touching is not the cultural norm. We have recorded the touch frequencies between people in outdoor cafes in many of the countries we regularly visit and noted 220 touches an hour in Rome, 142 per hour in Paris, 25 touches an hour in Sydney, 4 per hour in New York and 0 per hour in London. This confirms that the more British or German your heritage, the less likely you are to touch others and, therefore, the more successful an elbow touch will be on you.

If you're of German or British origin, you're an easier touch than everyone else.

Overall, we found that women were four times more likely to touch another woman than was a man to touch another man. In many places, touching a stranger above or below the elbow did not produce the same positive results as with directly touching the elbow and often received negative reactions. Touching for more than three seconds also received a negative response, with the person suddenly looking down at your hand to see what you are doing.

How the Rich and Famous Reveal their Insecurity

How the Rich and Famous Reveal their Insecurity

People who are continually exposed to others, such as royalty, politicians, television personalities and movie stars, usually don't want their audiences to detect that they are nervous or unsure of themselves. They prefer to project a cool, calm, controlled attitude when on display, but their anxiety or apprehension leaks out in disguised forms of arm-crossing. As in all arm-cross gestures, one arm swings across in front of the body towards the other arm but instead of the arms crossing, one hand touches or holds on to a handbag, bracelet, watch,' shirt cuff or object on or near their other arm. Once again the barrier is formed and the secure feeling is achieved.

Famous people are just as nervous in public as the rest of us

Men wearing cufflinks are often seen adjusting them as they cross a room or dance floor where they are in full view of others. The Cuff-Link-Adjust is the trademark of Prince Charles, who uses it to give himself a feeling of security any time he walks across an open space in full view of everyone.

Prince Charles' Cuff-Link-Adjust revealing his insecurities

The Definitive Book of Body Language

You would think that after more than half a century of being scrutinised in public and being confronted by large crowds royals, such as Prince Charles, would be resistant to nervous feelings but his small arm-crossing behaviours reveal that he feels just as insecure as you or I would feel in the same circumstances. An anxious or self-conscious man will also be seen adjusting the band on his watch, checking the contents of his wallet clasping or rubbing his hands together, playing with a button on his cuff or using any gesture that lets his arms cross in front of his body. A favourite of insecure businessmen is walking into a business meeting holding a briefcase or folder in front of the body. To the trained observer, these gestures are a giveaway because they achieve no real purpose except as an attempt to disguise nervousness. A good place to observe these gestures is anywhere that people walk past a group of onlookers, such as a man who crosses the dance floor to ask a woman to dance or someone who crosses a stage to receive an award. Women's use of disguised arm barriers is less noticeable than men's because women can grasp onto things like handbags or purses if they become self-conscious or unsure of themselves. Royals like Princess Anne regularly clutch a bunch of flowers when walking in public and the Flowers/HandbagClutch is Queen Elizabeth's favourite. It's unlikely that she would be carrying lipstick, make-up, credit cards and theatre tickets in her handbag. Instead, she uses it as a type of security blanket when necessary and as a means of sending messages; royal watchers have recorded 12 signals she sends to her minders about when she wants to go, stop, leave or be rescued from someone who is boring her.

Handbag used to form a barrier

Arm Signals

Flower grasping shows self-consciousness

The Coffee Cup Barrier

Offering a refreshment during a negotiation is an excellent strategy for gauging how the other person is receiving your offer. Where a person places their cup immediately after they take a drink is a strong indicator of whether or not they are convinced or open to what you are saying. Someone who is reeling hesitant, unsure or negative about what they are hearing will place their cup to the opposite side of their body to form a single arm barrier. "When they are accepting of what they are hearing they place the cup to the side of their body showing an open or accepting attitude.

The arm barrier says 'no' She's now open to your ideas

One of the most common versions of creating a subtle barrier is to hold a glass or cup with two hands. You need only one hand to hold a glass but two hands allows the insecure person form an almost unnoticeable arm barrier. These types of gestures are used by almost everyone and few of us are aware that we're doing them

Hugging Yourself

Hugging Yourself

When we were children our parents or carers embraced or hugged us when we faced distressing or tense circumstances. As adults, we often attempt to recreate those same comforting feelings when we find ourselves in stressful situations. Rather than take a full arm-cross gesture, which can tell everyone we are fearful, women often substitute a subtler version - a PartialArm-Cross, where one arm swings across the body to hold or touch the other arm to form the barrier and it looks as if she is hugging herself. Partial arm barriers are often seen in meetings where a person may be a stranger to the group or is lacking in self-confidence. Any woman taking this position in a tense situation will usually claim she is just being 'comfortable'.

Holding herself like her mother held her when she was a child

Men use a partial arm barrier known as Holding-Hands-WithYourself : it's commonly used by men who stand in front of a

The Definitive Book of Body Language

crowd to receive an award or give a speech. Also known as the Broken Zipper Position it makes a man feel secure because he can protect his 'crown jewels' and can avoid the consequences of receiving a nasty frontal blow.

The Broken Zipper Position

It's the same position men take in a line at a soup kitchen or to receive social security benefits and reveals their dejected, vulnerable feelings. It recreates the feeling of having someone else hold your hand. Adolf Hitler used it regularly in public to mask the sexual inadequacy he felt because of having only one testicle. It's possible that evolution shortened men's arms to allow them to take this protective position because when our closest primate cousins, the chimpanzees, assume the same position their hands cross at their knees.

Humans make a point of hiding the areas they think are their weakest or most vulnerable Arm Signals

The Boss vs The Staff

The Boss vs The Staff

Status can influence arm-folding gestures. A superior type can make his superiority felt by not folding his arms, saying, in effect, 'I'm not afraid, so I'll keep my body open and vulnerable.' Let's say, for example, that at a company social function, the general manager is introduced to several new employees. playing greeted them with a Palm-Down handshake, he stands back from them - a yard away (1 metre) - with his hands by his side or behind his back in the Prince Philip Palm-in-Palm position (superiority), or with one or both hands in his pocket (non-involvement). He rarely folds his arms across his chest so as not to show the slightest hint of nervousness. Conversely, after shaking hands with the boss, the new employees may take full or partial arm-crossing positions because of their apprehension about being in the presence of the company's top person. Both the general manager and the new employees feel comfortable with their respective gesture clusters as each is signalling his status, relative to the other. But what happens when the general manager meets a young, upand-coming male who is also a superior type and who may even signal that he is as important as the general manager? The likely outcome is that, after the two give each other a dominant handshake, the younger executive may take an armfold gesture with both thumbs pointing upwards.

Thumbs-Up: defensive, but he still thinks he's pretty cool

 This gesture has the arms-crossed plus both thumbs up showing that he's feeling 'cool' and in control. As he talks, he gestures with his thumbs to emphasise points he is making, As we've already discussed, the thumbs-up gesture is a way of showing others we have a self-confident attitude and the folded arms still gives a feeling of protection. Someone who is feeling defensive but also submissive at the same time will sit in a symmetrical position, which means one side of their body is a perfect mirror of the other. They display tense muscle tone and look as if they expect to be attacked whereas a person who is feeling defensive and dominant will take an asymmetrical pose, that is, one side of the body doesn't mirror the other.

Getting theThumbs-Up

When you're presenting your case to someone and the Thumbs-Up-Arms-Crossed appears towards the end of your presentation and is clustered with other positive gestures, it signals you can move comfortably into asking the person for a commitment. On the other hand, if at the close of the presentation the other person takes the Fists-Clenched-ArmsCrossed position and has a poker face, you can be inviting trouble by attempting to get a 'yes'. It would be better to ask questions to try to uncover the person's objections. When someone says 'no' to a proposal, it can become difficult to change their mind without looking as if you're aggressive. The ability to read body language allows you to 'see' a negative decision before it is verbalised and gives you time to take an alternative course of action.

When you can see a 'no' before it's said, you can try a different approach.

Arm Signals

People carrying weapons or wearing armour seldom use armgestures because their weapon or armour provides sufficient body protection. Police officers who wear guns, for example, rarely cross their arms unless they are standing guard and they normally use the fist-clenched position to communicate clearly that nobody is permitted to pass where they are standing.

Arm-Gripping

Arm-Gripping

The Double-Arm-Grip is characterised by the person's hands tightly gripping their upper arms to reinforce themselves and avoid exposure of the front of the body. Sometimes the arms can be gripped so tight that the fingers and knuckles can turn white as blood circulation is cut off. It's a person's way of comforting himself with a form of self-hugging. Arm-gripping is commonly seen in doctors' and dentists' waiting rooms or with first-time air travellers who are waiting for lift-off. It shows a negative, restrained attitude.

The Double-Arm-Grip: feeling insecure and not buying what you're selling

In a courtroom, the claimant may be seen using a FistsClenched-Arm-Crossed pose while the defendant may have taken the Double-Arm-Grip position.

Reinforced Arm-Crossing

Reinforced Arm-Crossing

If a person has clenched fists as well as a full arm-cross, this cluster, called Fists-Clenched-Arm-Crossed, shows hostility as well as defensiveness. If it's combined with a tight-lipped smile or clenched teeth and red face, a verbal or even physical attack could happen. A conciliatory approach is needed to discover what is causing it if the reason is not already apparent. This person has an aggressive, attacking attitude.